Shut your whore mouth

Liz. 20. California.
My lord and savior is Morgan Freeman.
Batman is my hero.
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weteevee:

parents when they can’t get a hold of you: “i called TWICE AND YOU DIDN’T PICK UP”

me when i can’t get a hold of my parents: “I BROKE MY LEG. I CALLED UR CELL 11 TIMES, UR WORK PHONE 7 TIMES, AND SENT YOU 23 TEXTS, AND NO RESPONSE”

my parents: “wow sorry i was busy”

Reblog4 days ago with 123,465 notes

dickpong:

dickpong:

THIS STRANGER JUST OPENED MY FRONT DOOR PETTED MY DOG SAW ME AND LEFT

i just met my step-brother for the first time

Reblog4 days ago with 338,088 notes

homebeccer:

"Oh my God stop criticizing young girls who like 50 Shades of Grey or Twilight you can’t tell them what they can and can’t read."

No we can’t but we have to protect young girls from mistaking abusive behavior for genuine affection at all costs.

Reblog4 days ago with 61,963 notes
209724 notes / reblog / 5 days ago
nickandjades-infinitelaughter:

Me as a parent
5604 notes / reblog / 5 days ago

tentarude:

troncats:

sorry:

I read an article the other day that said, “if you drink every day you are an alcoholic.” Thank god I only drink every night

why do text posts these days sound like they are quotes from a 40 year old mother’s facebook

image

Reblog5 days ago with 210,685 notes
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waywardandwanderlust:

heartsandmagic:

Cat doesn’t know what to do with the butterfly that flew on its paw.

I can’t breathe I’m laughing too hard
186446 notes / reblog / 1 week ago
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houseofwessex:

prototype-the-walter-girl:

dailyshitsandgiggles:

People should only update their Facebook statuses with great stories like this one.

That was wild


from start to finish
9893 notes / reblog / 1 week ago
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xbean:

ablogfortwolovers:

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE LOVE STING RAYS LOOK AT THAT FACE

Because they ganged up on the crocodile hunter and shanked him in cold blood.